i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
