I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
