Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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