His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
