So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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