So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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