you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
