My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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