I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
