There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
