Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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