i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
