Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
