i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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