this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
