he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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