Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize