It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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