im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
