This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
