just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
