When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
