I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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