We named our party play list daddy issues
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
