I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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