You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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