so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
