awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
