Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
