I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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