think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he thought i was a dude.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
