Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
