It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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