worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
