Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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