This is not my ceiling
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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