i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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