also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
