So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
