I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
