I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize