There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
