She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
