chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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