I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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