Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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