she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
