I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
