We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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