i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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