you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize