you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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