I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
