she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize