WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
