I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize