exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
