shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
