Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize