They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
