Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize