The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
