Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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