You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
