So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
is it fun? or sober?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
