We named our party play list daddy issues
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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