i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
