dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
