but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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