how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
