he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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