my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You were trust falling into bushes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
