Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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